Sometimes Mother Cat's face just says it all.
We have been stuck inside and sick for a while now but things are looking up. Suns out, guns out. Unfortunately the last three months have left me feeling completely exhausted. I will never not grow tired of hearing people tell me that we need to get out more. Apparently my efforts are not impressive enough.
The prettiest prison cell
When I am struggling I yearn for someone to tell me that my efforts are not in vain, that I am doing enough, that our life, the work I do, is beautiful, that my babies are happy. Peace.
Scar tissue that I wish you saw.
Feeling like my brain is on fire with the need to create. The joy of my hands being full of these beautiful children and their work with the pain of having very little time for creativity of my own.
Feeling disappointed in my fourth trimester body. Every day dreading getting dressed because nothing fits and everything is falling apart. Feeling tired and run down. Feeling out of shape and fat.
18 months/4 months. Do work.
In love with 18 months. The communication, the sense of humor, the harmony and the independence. She is observant, focused, patient. She will stand outside and point out each bird, cloud or flower that we see. She will go to the park and swing for over an hour in complete contentment. She will watch people and hold my hand wherever we are. Because I know one day she won't need to hold my hand anymore, I will hold hers whenever she asks for as long as she wants. Already she understands that sometimes I have to take care of Konrad and that she has to wait. She makes me laugh with her humor and loves doing it. I love the things that she brings to show or offer to me, how excited she is to see me, and her babbling explanation of the world around her.
In love with 4 months. The growing awareness and ability, the bursting joy, and the snuggles. This baby, he kills me. He laughed before he was a four weeks old. He is so joyful. When I pick him out of bed, he squeals and scrunches his entire body. When I change his shirt, same thing but with hysterical giggling. He is so ticklish, so ready to laugh and smile. He focuses on things now and scowls and chews his tongue whenever he is doing tummy time or playing with his mobile. He is almost sleeping through the night and is content so much of the day. He looks exactly like his father did at this age so of course I think he is completely handsome. Quite frequently when he is nursing he will stop and smile at me before snuggling contentedly a bit closer. All I can do is shake my head and smile back.
We are so lucky.